Jerry Totter and the Race for Govna
It all started back when I was 16, a junior in high school. My life was nothing big; I was just an average high school boy. Wasn't really much of a conversationalist, I was kind of shy actually. I was the kid you'd find just standing by himself, alone in a crowded room kinda thing you know? Anyway, so then one morning, if I remember correctly it was August 30th, 1994; I noticed a letter sitting on my doormat addressed to Jerry Cornelius Theodore Totter IV. I found it a little odd to be honest. Like I was going to bend down to grab the letter and Little Jimmy Smith from next door was going to chuck something at me. I honestly didn't know how to react so I let the letter sit outside for a couple of days. But curiosity finally got the best of me and I kicked open the front door in a dramatic sort of way and viciously ripped open the letter. It read, “Jerry Totter, you have been selected to take part in The California YMCA Youth & Government –”. Youth and Government... I personally hated anything that had to do with politics or the government. I read on, “…to participate in our youth model legislature court program. If you are interested, we ask that you please join at your local YMCA by presenting them with this letter of acceptence." Youth and Government...I let the words stir around in my mouth for a bit like the glass of Pino Noir my father consumes every night before bed. Then I thought, I never try anything new. That was the day that Jerry Totter was average no longer. And that was that.
After school, the next day, I hopped into my white bug and drove over to the El Dorado YMCA. I met up with one of the advisors and she gave me some paper work to take home and fill out and then introduced me to the delegation. Oh man, there had to have been some 20-30 students there! By this time, I was half regretting my decision to join, and half thinking that it may not be as nerdy as I thought. So I took a seat by this guy with an incredibly massive afro (who later became known as Afroman). He turned toward me and whispered, "This yo first year here?" And I hesitantly mumbled a, "Yeah." And that was the beginning of our 25-year-long friendship. The rest was history!
The next couple of months, were pretty "gnarley" as I liked to say back in my day. Our delegation worked our butts off to get our bills done in time for bill hearing night. I didn't have much faith in my bill. Companies would be paying schools to put up their ads around the school which would in turn benefit both the school and the company. This would also imply that schools would have more money to spend pay teachers, add classes, as well as extracirriculars. But I never thought any of the panel members would take interest in it. Turns out they loved the concept.
After we found out my groups bill had passed and was going to Sacramento, our delegation had about a month in preparation for BOB. BOB, being short for Camp Roberts, is a huge military base in Paso Robles, CA. Here we'd find ourselves stuck with 2,500 other California delegates, walking miles back and forth through mud and rain, and basically starving ourselves due to the lack of good food...but all of these factors were what created those cherished memories we still remember today. Afro and I didn't really take any of the sessions seriously. We'd skip around, meet a bunch of people (only because Afro suggested it), sleep in sometimes, and then go to another session, then do the same thing over again. It definitely wasn't one of our proudest moments to get caught by our advisors but it sure was worth it. I'll never forget my favorite session at BOB. It was the Public Speaking one given by Brayden Cooper. I mean, this guy was good, a true inspiration. He completely opened my eyes to a whole new world. Me and Afro, we just messed around half the time, made comments about pretty girls, you know. But this guy, he's the reason why I'm up here today and I thank him for that. He inspired me enough to turn to Afro and jokingly suggest that I run for Youth Governor. Afro didn't take it as a joke though. Before I knew it, he had people working on posters in our barracks at night and had me writing a speech that made no sense when I read it in my head, and then he said the three words I'd always regretted hearing from someones mouth. The three words that had my stomach churning all night that night. The three words, no man can back down from no matter how skinny, weird, or shy. I. Dare. You.
So there I was. Me, Jerry Cornelius Theodore Totter IV, about to read my day-old speech in front of 2,500 high school students. It felt like my heart was going to explode from pounding so hard in my chest. I only ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep that night. The weather was horrible that cold, sunday morning. The joint-session had already begun and I was standing below the stage with my opponent (who was a stoner by the way) waiting to be introduced to the roaring crowd of delegates. I almost thought about dropping my speech and making a run for it, but people already knew my face and I didn't wanna ruin my one actual shot at accomplishing something great. As I heard our names, my heart dropped down the invisible stairway of my body Past my diaphram, stomach, through my intestines...I felt so miniscule compared to the world. I went into shock for a minute but then I remembered the wise words of Brayden Cooper, "Keep Calm and Carry On." And so I did. I kind of realized my opponent, Nick Stone(d), kind of got the short end of the stick on this one because obviously I knew I was more attractive, and more importantly, not a stoner. I went up, gave my speech, kept eye contact with the crowd, and stood behind my words. Near the end, I adjusted my tie, and said the best words that ever could come out of my mouth. "Thank you, Jerry Totter, El Dorado Family YMCA, Running to be YOUR 47th Youth Governor." The crowd clapped and cheered for what seemed to be hours, but was, in reality, only thirty seconds.
Nick Stone went up after me wearing his eyecatching tie die shirt and worn out flare jeans. As I walked past him, toward the back of the stage, I noticed his body stank, almost as much as the speech he gave a minute later. But he came from a big delegation, San Fransisco. He had a great portion of the votes, but I knew I had to finally put my good looks and randomly, amazing new speech giving skills to use.
Anyway, BOB came and went like the summer of '92 and so did the month after. Finaly, it was time for Sacramento. I remember I felt different than I had ever felt before. I wasn't the turtle that would crawl back in its shell because I was afraid of some conversation. I was a sexy, strong, and confident man now and I was running against a stoner...how much easier could it have been? Well, I was wrong. But before I get into that, I want to take a minute and remember Sac. Feels like it was just yesterday, me and Afro were roaming the streets of Sac Town, causing trouble everywhere we went. We made so many great memories there though. I'll never forget walking into the Hyatt lounge, the smell of cleanliness, the excited looks sitting on everyones faces, delegates hugging, laughing, talking, we were finaly reunited.
Our final speeches werein three days. I was so nervous, but my cockyness got the best of me and something inside of me knew that I would win. We got our room assignments. Me and Afro were put together with two other guys we didn't really know. The next couple of days breezed by in the blink of an eye. People were interviewing me, asking me to take pictures with them, it was crazy! I didn't have to attend any sessions like everyone else except for the joint sessions because those are mandatory for evereyone to attend. I was using up my time to get my speech ready and I don't remember seeing Nick at all the days before the final speeches. I almost thought he may have dropped out or something but I didn't really think much of it. Finally, the night of our last speeches were here. I remember feeling super nervous like I'd never felt before.
At 8:30pm everyone was required to meet up at the convention center for a joint meeting. A couple delegates from different program areas went up to announce some things, then it was me and Nick's turn to go up. He looked quite spiffy, I must say. Actually, that was when I started to panic because he looked like a completely different person. He cleaned up well, I was just hoping his speech wasn't as nice as the way he smelled this time!
The most shocking thing ever though, was his speech. It blew everyone away. I mean, he went up there and you would have never even guessed that he was a stoner. I mean, he just straight up discussed the problems with our world, what youth and government meant to him, then went into intricately describe how he got here and how it had changed him so much as a person, honestly it was kind of cheesy. Then it was my turn to go up. My speech wasn't anything big...well, except for the fact that it was a rap. Me and Afro came up with it on the bus ride over to Sac and we even made up a dance. It was pretty great and original since almost nobody expected it.
So about an hour after that, everyone was eating dinner while me and Nick's face were projected on a screen with big, fat zero's under them. The votes were beginning. After dinner, every delegation sent up two or three people to get in line to present their votes. The line must have been a mile long, or so it looked. For the first fifteen minutes Nick was ahead of me. The votes were 433 to 607. I still had hope though because the bigger delegations were at the end of the line. That was definitely the most nerve-wrecking moment of my life. All I knew is that even if I lost, I tired. Nick was a more than qualified candidate but I wouldn't have minded if I won either. I wanted to finally be able to say that I accomplished something great in my life. I remember looking around and seeing people's screaming faces every time the votes inched up higher and higher. I stood next to Nick and we just had our arms around each other like it was nobody's business, huge smiles plastered on our faces. Soon enough though, the votes flipped, I was at 1,075 and Nick right behind me at 1,048. Well, like any other night, that night came to an end as well. I ended up winning the election....by one vote! Nick had 1,263 and I had 1,264 votes. I don't think I've ever screamed more than I did that night. It really came to show that every vote counts. This all ended with me giving a short thank you speech and my and Afro hugging me and screaming, "You're a govna Jerry!" In a cheesy British accent. Highlight of the night! And that is the story of how I was inspired to run for the President of the US of A. Thank you.
After school, the next day, I hopped into my white bug and drove over to the El Dorado YMCA. I met up with one of the advisors and she gave me some paper work to take home and fill out and then introduced me to the delegation. Oh man, there had to have been some 20-30 students there! By this time, I was half regretting my decision to join, and half thinking that it may not be as nerdy as I thought. So I took a seat by this guy with an incredibly massive afro (who later became known as Afroman). He turned toward me and whispered, "This yo first year here?" And I hesitantly mumbled a, "Yeah." And that was the beginning of our 25-year-long friendship. The rest was history!
The next couple of months, were pretty "gnarley" as I liked to say back in my day. Our delegation worked our butts off to get our bills done in time for bill hearing night. I didn't have much faith in my bill. Companies would be paying schools to put up their ads around the school which would in turn benefit both the school and the company. This would also imply that schools would have more money to spend pay teachers, add classes, as well as extracirriculars. But I never thought any of the panel members would take interest in it. Turns out they loved the concept.
After we found out my groups bill had passed and was going to Sacramento, our delegation had about a month in preparation for BOB. BOB, being short for Camp Roberts, is a huge military base in Paso Robles, CA. Here we'd find ourselves stuck with 2,500 other California delegates, walking miles back and forth through mud and rain, and basically starving ourselves due to the lack of good food...but all of these factors were what created those cherished memories we still remember today. Afro and I didn't really take any of the sessions seriously. We'd skip around, meet a bunch of people (only because Afro suggested it), sleep in sometimes, and then go to another session, then do the same thing over again. It definitely wasn't one of our proudest moments to get caught by our advisors but it sure was worth it. I'll never forget my favorite session at BOB. It was the Public Speaking one given by Brayden Cooper. I mean, this guy was good, a true inspiration. He completely opened my eyes to a whole new world. Me and Afro, we just messed around half the time, made comments about pretty girls, you know. But this guy, he's the reason why I'm up here today and I thank him for that. He inspired me enough to turn to Afro and jokingly suggest that I run for Youth Governor. Afro didn't take it as a joke though. Before I knew it, he had people working on posters in our barracks at night and had me writing a speech that made no sense when I read it in my head, and then he said the three words I'd always regretted hearing from someones mouth. The three words that had my stomach churning all night that night. The three words, no man can back down from no matter how skinny, weird, or shy. I. Dare. You.
So there I was. Me, Jerry Cornelius Theodore Totter IV, about to read my day-old speech in front of 2,500 high school students. It felt like my heart was going to explode from pounding so hard in my chest. I only ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep that night. The weather was horrible that cold, sunday morning. The joint-session had already begun and I was standing below the stage with my opponent (who was a stoner by the way) waiting to be introduced to the roaring crowd of delegates. I almost thought about dropping my speech and making a run for it, but people already knew my face and I didn't wanna ruin my one actual shot at accomplishing something great. As I heard our names, my heart dropped down the invisible stairway of my body Past my diaphram, stomach, through my intestines...I felt so miniscule compared to the world. I went into shock for a minute but then I remembered the wise words of Brayden Cooper, "Keep Calm and Carry On." And so I did. I kind of realized my opponent, Nick Stone(d), kind of got the short end of the stick on this one because obviously I knew I was more attractive, and more importantly, not a stoner. I went up, gave my speech, kept eye contact with the crowd, and stood behind my words. Near the end, I adjusted my tie, and said the best words that ever could come out of my mouth. "Thank you, Jerry Totter, El Dorado Family YMCA, Running to be YOUR 47th Youth Governor." The crowd clapped and cheered for what seemed to be hours, but was, in reality, only thirty seconds.
Nick Stone went up after me wearing his eyecatching tie die shirt and worn out flare jeans. As I walked past him, toward the back of the stage, I noticed his body stank, almost as much as the speech he gave a minute later. But he came from a big delegation, San Fransisco. He had a great portion of the votes, but I knew I had to finally put my good looks and randomly, amazing new speech giving skills to use.
Anyway, BOB came and went like the summer of '92 and so did the month after. Finaly, it was time for Sacramento. I remember I felt different than I had ever felt before. I wasn't the turtle that would crawl back in its shell because I was afraid of some conversation. I was a sexy, strong, and confident man now and I was running against a stoner...how much easier could it have been? Well, I was wrong. But before I get into that, I want to take a minute and remember Sac. Feels like it was just yesterday, me and Afro were roaming the streets of Sac Town, causing trouble everywhere we went. We made so many great memories there though. I'll never forget walking into the Hyatt lounge, the smell of cleanliness, the excited looks sitting on everyones faces, delegates hugging, laughing, talking, we were finaly reunited.
Our final speeches werein three days. I was so nervous, but my cockyness got the best of me and something inside of me knew that I would win. We got our room assignments. Me and Afro were put together with two other guys we didn't really know. The next couple of days breezed by in the blink of an eye. People were interviewing me, asking me to take pictures with them, it was crazy! I didn't have to attend any sessions like everyone else except for the joint sessions because those are mandatory for evereyone to attend. I was using up my time to get my speech ready and I don't remember seeing Nick at all the days before the final speeches. I almost thought he may have dropped out or something but I didn't really think much of it. Finally, the night of our last speeches were here. I remember feeling super nervous like I'd never felt before.
At 8:30pm everyone was required to meet up at the convention center for a joint meeting. A couple delegates from different program areas went up to announce some things, then it was me and Nick's turn to go up. He looked quite spiffy, I must say. Actually, that was when I started to panic because he looked like a completely different person. He cleaned up well, I was just hoping his speech wasn't as nice as the way he smelled this time!
The most shocking thing ever though, was his speech. It blew everyone away. I mean, he went up there and you would have never even guessed that he was a stoner. I mean, he just straight up discussed the problems with our world, what youth and government meant to him, then went into intricately describe how he got here and how it had changed him so much as a person, honestly it was kind of cheesy. Then it was my turn to go up. My speech wasn't anything big...well, except for the fact that it was a rap. Me and Afro came up with it on the bus ride over to Sac and we even made up a dance. It was pretty great and original since almost nobody expected it.
So about an hour after that, everyone was eating dinner while me and Nick's face were projected on a screen with big, fat zero's under them. The votes were beginning. After dinner, every delegation sent up two or three people to get in line to present their votes. The line must have been a mile long, or so it looked. For the first fifteen minutes Nick was ahead of me. The votes were 433 to 607. I still had hope though because the bigger delegations were at the end of the line. That was definitely the most nerve-wrecking moment of my life. All I knew is that even if I lost, I tired. Nick was a more than qualified candidate but I wouldn't have minded if I won either. I wanted to finally be able to say that I accomplished something great in my life. I remember looking around and seeing people's screaming faces every time the votes inched up higher and higher. I stood next to Nick and we just had our arms around each other like it was nobody's business, huge smiles plastered on our faces. Soon enough though, the votes flipped, I was at 1,075 and Nick right behind me at 1,048. Well, like any other night, that night came to an end as well. I ended up winning the election....by one vote! Nick had 1,263 and I had 1,264 votes. I don't think I've ever screamed more than I did that night. It really came to show that every vote counts. This all ended with me giving a short thank you speech and my and Afro hugging me and screaming, "You're a govna Jerry!" In a cheesy British accent. Highlight of the night! And that is the story of how I was inspired to run for the President of the US of A. Thank you.
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